TEN (10) THINGS MOST MISSED ABOUT THE FREE WORLD ?

1. FREEDOM BEING ABLE TO GO AND DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

2. MY FAMILY FATHER, MOTHER, BROTHER'S AND SISTER WHO IS THE YOUNGEST OF ALL CHILDREN. JUST BEING AROUND THEM DAILY AND ALL THE SMALL THINGS WE THINK THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT. ME BEING THE OLDEST OF THEM AND ME FEELING IT WAS MY RESPONSIBILTY TO LOOK OVER THEM.

3. MY MOTHER AND HER COOKING WHO KNEW HOW TO COOK EVERYTHING JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT TO THE POINT WHERE IF I WAS EATING SOMEONE ELSE'S COOKING IF IT WASN'T COOKED THE WAY MY MOTHER COOKED THAN IT WAS COOKED WRONG.

4. GIVING MY GRANDMOTHER A SURPRISE VISIT AND REMEMBERING JUST AS I TURN THE CORNER TO HER BLOCK THAT SHE LIVES ON I COULD SEE HER BEFORE SHE SEEN ME SITTING ON HER INSIDE PORCH LOOKING OUT IN THE EVENING AS THE SUN WAS GOING DOWN AND ME REMEMBEPING AS I WAS GETTING CLOSER TO HER HOUSE WONDERING WHAT SHE COOKED FOR DINNER.

5. FAMILY GET TOGETHERS AND COOKOUTS GETTING TOGETHER WITH FAMILY MEMBERS YOU MAY NOT HAVE SEEN ALL YEAR LONG AND SOME EVEN LONGER AND YOU MAY NOT SEE AGAIN UNTIL THE NEXT FAMILY GET TOGETHER OR COOKOUT.

6. COMING OUT OF MY HOUSE AND STANDING ON MY FRONT STEPS AND LOOKING BOTH WAYS UP AND DOWN THE BLOCK AND SEEING ALL THE LITTLE CHILDREN BUSY IN THEIR PLAYING WITH EACH OTHER AND NOT A WORRY IN THE WORLD.

7. MY BABY SISTER WHO AT THE TIME I WAS ARRESTED WAS ABOUT 1 1/2 YEARS OLD WHO IS NOW 19-YEARS OLD AND ME MISSING OUT ON THIS TIME TO BE THERE FOR HER LIKE A BIG BROTHER SHOULD. ALSO MY YOUNGEST BROTHER WHO AT THE TIME OF MY ARREST WAS ONLY 10-YEARS OLD (WOULD'VE TURN 11yrs. LATER THAT YEAR) WHO I FELT THAT ME AND HIM WAS THE CLOSEST OF MY BROTHERS. WHO ALSO WAS MURDERED THIS YEAR ON MY BIRTHDAY FEBRUARY 8th, 2000.

8. WHENEVER I HAD A PROBLEM OR SOMETHING ON MY MIND AND JUST NEEDED TO GET AWAY FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS TO BE BY MYSELF. I WOULD TAKE LONG WALKS SOMETIMES TO THE PARK AND TAKE MY DOG AND BEFORE I KNEW IT WHATEVER PROBLEHS THAT I HAD ON MY MIND WAS GONE.

9. AT LEAST ONE OR TWO SATURDAYS EVERY MONTH MY MOTHER AND AUNT WOULD GET TOGETHER EARLY IN THE MORNING TO GO SGOPPING WHICH WOULD TAKE THEM ALL DAY LONG TO DO ALL THEIR SHOPPING AND HOW THEY WOULD MAKE ME AND MY COUSIN GO WITH THEM TO CARRY THE BAGS AND REMEMBERING HOW ME AND MY COUSIN NEVER WANTED TO GO WITH THEM BUT THEY MADE US GO ANYWAY. ALSO REMEMBERING AT TIMES HOW WE USE TO TRY AND HIDE SOME WHERE BUT HOW THEY USE TO ALWAYS FINDS US.

10. WAKING UP EVERY DAY AND NOT THINKING OR WORRYING ABOUT THE DEATH-ROW AND WHETHER OR NOT I'LL EVER GET OFF OF DEATH-ROW.

CAN YOU HELP IDENTIFY...?

WHO ARE YOU ?
AT THIS MOMENT I HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM.
WHY NOT ?
I FEEL AS THOUGH I HAVE LOST MY IDENTITY.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND, MAKE ME UNDERSTAND ?
I AM NOT SURE I CAN, BUT I'LL TRY...
LOOKING IN THE MIRROR I SEE THE FACE OF A MAN.
THE AGE, STRESS, PERMINENT FROWNS, BUT THOSE ARE SUPPOSE TO BE
THE SIGNS OF A MAN THAT HAS LABORED HARD, THAT WAY IN THE
LATTER YEARS OF HIS WISDOM HE CAN RELAX, AND ENJOY UNTIL DEATH.

THAT IS NOT I...
IS IT ANY CLEARER TO YOU NOW ?
PLEASE CONTINUE ON.
AS YOU SEE IT'S REALLY HARD TO EXPLAIN, I AM SORT OF
STRUGGLING WITH IT MYSELF...
BUT, BEFORE THIS I USE TO BE ABLE TO SAY, I AM A YOUNG
MAN CHILD. WHOSE GOAL IS TO HAVE A FAMILY, LABOR AND PROVIDE.
FOR A WHILE IT ALL LOOKED PROMISING, MY LABORING WAS GOING WELL..
. THEN I FELL IN LOVE, OUT OF LOVE, IN LOVE AGAIN.
MY LIFE HAD IDENTITY DURING THOSE DAYS, MONTHS, YEARS...
AT THE DROP OF A DIME IT WAS ALL TAKEN AWAY FROM ME...
I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY!

DON'T GET ANGRY JUST CONTINUE ON. WHO ARE YOU ?
WELL YOU KNOW MY NAME, AND WHERE I WAS BORN,
IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR ?
THAT IS NOT WHAT MAKES YOU WHO YOU ARE, YOU COULD
HAVE DIED ON THAT BIRTH DATE, AND NEVER GIVEN A NAME
YOU UNDERSTAND ? IT'S NOT WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR.

I AM NO LONGER A MAN LABORING FOR HIS FAMILY. THERE ARE
NO FRUITS FROM MY PAST LABORING.
I ONCE WAS A YOUNG MAN THAT QUICKLY HAD TO BECOME
THE BEING THAT I AM TODAY.
ARE YOU WHO THEY SAY YOU ARE ? A COLD HEARTED, NO CONSCIENCE MAN ?
No! I DON'T THINK SO ...I MEAN THAT MAKES ME SOUND
DEAD... I AM NOT DEAD !

AM I DEAD ? NO! I AM NOT DEAD !

I SIT FROM DAY TO DAY NIGHT TO NIGHT SEARCHING
WITHIN MYSELF FOR ANSWERS THAT SEEM TO HAVE NO ANSWER.
I NEED NEW LIFE IN ORDER FOR MY IDENTITY TO RETURN
BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, JUST BEING A MAN WITH A NAME IS NOT ENOUGH.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP... I DID NOT DO ANYTHING...
IN TIME, ALL IN TIME.
IDENTITFY

CHANGE

ENVIORMENTAL CHANGE
ELEMENTAL CHANGE
CONTROLED CHANGE
TO CHANGE
ONE'S INNERSELF
ONE'S ACTION
NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE
POSITIVE TO NEGATIVE
CAN ONE JUDGE ANOTHER
FOR FALLING
HAVE WE ALL NOT FALLEN
I'VE FELL
I'VE CHANGED!
SHOULD I DIE?
OR SHOULD YOUR OPINION CHANGE?